冬天里的种子

◎ 赏析 / 陈榕

西蒙·范布伊（Simon Van Booy） 1975年生于伦敦，幼年在威尔士的乡村度过，后毕业于南安普顿大学，获得了艺术硕士学位。成年后的范布伊旅居巴黎、雅典等地，目前住在美国纽约，在纽约视觉艺术学校任教。2007年，范布伊出版了他的第一部短篇小说集《因为。爱》（The Secret Lives of People in Love）。《爱，始于冬季》（Love Begins in Winter）是他的第二部短篇小说集，2009年出版后获得了英美文学界短篇小说大奖——弗兰克·奥康纳国际短篇小说奖。他的首部长篇小说《缘生，万物梦成真》（Everything Beautiful Began After）于2011年出版。2011年，西蒙·范布伊曾访问中国。

Excerpts1）

We were two people in a car not speaking. I2） think it was a French writer who said that we perceive3） when love begins and when it declines by our embarrassment while alone together.

Hannah4） flew up to San Francisco for the concert. It took place in the afternoon. There were more children present than usual because of the time. As I drew5） each note from the instrument， I could sense her out there， watching， listening—biting her lip.

Anna6）’s form appeared as always， but it felt far away. When I turned to look， I could see only the outline of her body. She was leaving me， and I wasn’t surprised. I wondered where she would go. I would miss her in a new way.

We left San Francisco that afternoon by driving in a straight line over hills. The reflection off the water made the light seem golden； many of the houses were red and wore small towers at their corners. People sat in parks and drank water from plastic bottles. A man in a black T-shirt walked his dog and chatted on a cell phone. A girl on a bicycle ticked past. Her basket was full of lemons. Her hair was very curly. The sidewalk cafés were packed. Faces hidden by newspapers. Groups waiting for a table.

Our car moved forward slowly—it took hours to get out of San Francisco， but we were together， the only two passengers on a journey where the destination was unimportant. Hannah talked about my concert. She said she was the only person not clapping at the end. She said that for her the concert would never end.

When we turned true south onto the Pacific Coast Highway， Hannah said nothing for quite some time. I thought she was enjoying the scenery. A motorcycle passed us. Then we caught up to an RV7） and drove slowly behind it for several miles.

I began to ask Hannah questions， but she answered only with a word or two. I told her about the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York—about the long fountain full of coins.

“I wonder how many of those wishes have come true，” she said.

More silence.

“Do you hear that？” I asked.

“What？” she said. “I don’t hear anything.”

“That’s the sound of keys on my ring，” I said. “Sooner or later I’ll find the one that unlocks you.”

She didn’t say anything but placed her hand on top of mine.

I took several very sharp curves， and then the road straightened out.

I looked at the sea. I thought of fish bobbing along the bottom. The motion of weeds.

Then Hannah said， “I want to tell you about Jonathan8）.”

And little by little， his life was placed before me like a map with a small and beautiful country at its center.

I saw him with his book in the garden， sketching.

Then a body stretched out in the snow.

The fist of acorns9）.

The severed10） hand of her father in the shed.

The dumb hanging ladder.

Years later：

The many meals that would sit in front of her mother and turn cold.

The guilt of her father as he’d laugh at something on the television， then suddenly stop laughing and leave the room.

One night， Hannah said， he went out in his socks， took the chain saw from the shed， and cut the tree down. Her mother didn’t think it was possible. But he managed it somehow with his right hand and the stump11） of his left arm. It took six hours. When the tree fell， it crushed the neighbor’s greenhouse. That afternoon they found a note in their letter box. It was from the neighbor. It read：

I never liked that greenhouse and was going to knock it down this week.

I’m so very sorry for you.

Bill

Then I see my Anna.

The rainy day.

The accident.

A car speeding away.

The back wheel of her bicycle still spinning.

I stopped the car and we sat at a picnic table and held hands. After a couple of hours a park official with long gray hair came over and told us we had to pay five dollars to picnic， so we left. It wasn’t the money， but the atmosphere had changed. I started the car with my foot on the brake.

When we were back on the road， Hannah said she was hungry.

It had clouded over.

Fog wrapped the cliff in its thick coat.

Then it started to rain.

The swoosh12） of the windshield wipers was reassuring.

We turned inland at the first road.

The fog thinned out.

There were birds flying in the opposite direction—away from land. I couldn’t think where they were going. Perhaps to a tall wet rock， far out at sea.

西蒙·范布伊的小说集《爱，始于冬季》收录了五则短篇。在第一篇《爱，始于冬季》中，法国大提琴家布鲁诺·伯奈特邂逅了来自威尔士的汉娜，相似的童年经历让两个人相知、相恋。在第二篇《老虎，老虎》里，身为儿科医生的女主人公回忆起两岁的时候曾经用牙齿咬了喜欢的小男孩。在《失踪的雕像》中，外交官马克斯向一位素昧平生的神父喃喃倾诉童年去拉斯维加斯的经历。在《来来去去的人》中，一位吉卜赛男孩爱上了村子里新搬来的一对姐妹中美丽的姐姐，后来却迎娶了她的妹妹。在《树木摇曳的城市》里，男主人公乔治得知他昔日的一夜情为他带来一个女儿，他来到瑞典，见到了自己的孩子。这些短篇有的诉说的是浪漫的爱情故事，有的讲述的是陌生人的友善，有的表现的是割舍不断的亲情。不同的故事发生在不同的空间：在《爱，始于冬季》中，男女主人公相遇在加州的洛杉矶；《老虎，老虎》的故事背景是纽约长岛；《失踪的雕像》中男主人公置身罗马，回忆起童年的拉斯维加斯之旅；《来来去去的人》中爱情的生发地在爱尔兰东海岸；《树木摇曳的城市》中，一对父女团聚在冰天雪地的瑞典。这是五个看起来毫无联系的故事，但却相辅相成，和谐地组成了这部小说集。每一则故事落笔时都蕴含了温柔，绵长而细腻的文字让整部小说集笼罩在宁静而略带忧伤的基调之中，如同一首长诗中不同的诗节，循环往复，复沓吟诵着同一个主题——爱。

爱有很多种不同的形式，有亲情、爱情以及友情。关于爱的故事，有的讲述的是生离死别的悲剧，有的则是终成眷属的喜剧。小说集《爱，始于冬季》所描写的爱却很难以喜剧或者悲剧定义，它们都以和解为结局，但都以伤痛为前提，而这些伤痛均发生在主人公们的童年时代。在同名短篇《爱，始于冬季》中，男主人公布鲁诺每到一地，就会收集当地的小石子，他用这些石头纪念他曾喜欢过的女孩安娜——安娜在12岁时不幸遭遇车祸身亡。而女主人公汉娜原本拥有幸福的家庭，有慈爱的父母和一个天真可爱的弟弟。不幸的是，弟弟乔纳森四岁的时候为了学小鸟飞翔爬上了高高的树屋，当人们再发现他的时候，他已经是一具冻僵了的尸体。在《老虎，老虎》中，女主人公幼年时虽然没有遭遇布鲁诺和汉娜所经历的死亡创痛，心灵却被成人的专断所伤害。女主人公曾经为了表达对一位小男孩的强烈喜欢而用力咬了对方。她的母亲看到后不问原由，认定自己的女儿粗鲁无礼，当着众人的面对当时只有两岁的她进行了体罚。这件小事影响了女主人公成年后的职业选择。在《失踪的雕像》中，小男孩自出生就没见过自己的亲生父亲。母亲的新情人带他们来到拉斯维加斯，把他们随身的钱财统统拿去赌博，身无分文的母亲和小男孩只能徘徊在赌场门外。在《来来去去的人》中，男主人公爱上了一对姐妹中的姐姐，并结识了后来成为他妻子的妹妹。这对姐妹的父母在她们年纪尚幼时遭遇车祸，双双亡故，男主人公所爱的姐姐也为此封闭心门，后来罹患癌症。在《树木摇曳的城市》中，男主人公的父母在他童年时频繁争吵，而且后来父亲不堪压力跳楼自杀，这令他对一切亲密的感情都心存畏惧。

童年是每一个灵魂成形的最初期，稚嫩热切的灵魂以不设防的姿态全力拥抱着这个世界。孩子们放心地信任，单纯地爱，热情地追求梦想。然而，命运却不一定肯给予温柔的回馈。有些种子在播种的季节没有碰到春日明媚的阳光，而是遭遇了严寒的冬季：有些孩子小小年纪便被迫见证生死无常，有些孩子在缺乏爱的环境中生活，还有些孩子敏感的心灵被粗暴地对待。

幼时的爱，因为不懂得计较，没学会防备，所以非常纯粹。然而，正因为孩子不懂得该如何保护自己，一旦受到伤害，伤害所带来的影响就可能会持续终生。在《爱，始于冬季》这个小说集中，故事的主人公们便是因为童年时受过心灵创伤，成年后对世界怀着置身事外的抽离感。他们怀疑、犹豫，不肯也不敢无所保留地献上全部的身心。他们因为灵魂上的伤痕对幸福保持着警惕的审视：即便是碰到了心仪的伴侣，也知道这份爱不会是黏稠的、浓烈的；即便是和血脉相连的亲人在一起，也会有某种错位的陌生感。他们的爱是不圆满的，无法纯粹。但值得庆幸的是，他们的内心深处依然保持着对爱的渴望。对他们来说，不圆满中又蕴含着一种圆满：彼此凝望时，他们能够从对方的眼睛里辨认出那是有故事的人才有的共同的忧伤；彼此爱上时，他们会因为曾经的失去更珍惜眼前得之不易的珍贵情感。

即便在冬天，在冰冻的大地之下，种子也不会冻死。它们只是在沉睡，春天一到，它们就会凭借顽强的生命力，长出嫩芽。人心深处只要依然保存着爱的种子，爱就有可能在某个契机得以生长，抽出枝条，长出叶片。小说集《爱，始于冬季》的五则故事虽然都有着浅灰色的基调，却也在结尾处透露出淡淡的暖意。它告诉我们，爱是可以开始于冬季的。因为共同经历了最寒冷的季节，人与人的依偎才显得那么温暖。

1.节选部分选自小说集的同名短篇《爱，始于冬季》，描写的是男女主人公（布鲁诺和汉娜）驱车离开旧金山时，在路上的谈话和思绪。

2.I：指短篇中的男主人公布鲁诺，是一位来自法国的大提琴演奏家。

3.perceive [pə（r）ˈsiːv] vt. 察觉，发觉；感知

4.Hannah：汉娜，短篇中的女主人公，来自英国威尔士。

5.draw [drɔː] vt. 拉（小提琴的弓等）

6.Anna：安娜，布鲁诺的初恋女友，12岁时因车祸去世。

7.RV：旅游房车（recreational vehicle）

8.Jonathan：乔纳森，汉娜的弟弟，四岁时被冻死在树上。

9.acorn [ˈeɪkɔː（r）n] n. [植]橡树果，橡子

10.sever [ˈsevə（r）] vt. 切断

11.stump [stʌmp] n. 剩余部分残肢

12.swoosh [swuːʃ] n. 哗哗（或嗖嗖）作响的移动